Ready to trim back the troops?

I mentioned earlier, here, that I started a Bible study on Gideon.  It is so good and is exactly what I needed at this point.  Priscilla Shirer is amazing at taking the Bible and applying it to your life right at this moment.  The part of the study that is speaking to me is when God stripped Gideon of most of his soldiers before they were to fight the Midianites.

 Judges 7:2 says, The Lord said to Gideon, "You have too many people for Me to hand the Midianites over to you, or else Israel might brag: 'I did it myself.'"

I love that God needed to make it clear that HE would be destroying the Midianites, not the Israelites, they were just a vessel in which God used for HIS victory!

What I love about Gideon is that he wasn't too proud to admit he was scared to fight the Midianites.  I'm sure he tried to find comfort in his soldiers...ALL 32,000 of them.  It does often make things easier when we have back-up, when we don't feel so alone.  It would be very normal for Gideon to look for support from the very men who would be fighting on his side.  But God doesn't "do normal", if HE did where would our faith come in, how could we see HIM amongst the normal, it would be hard to decipher how God plays out in our daily lives.

I'm a take charge type of person, and if I commit to something then I see it through to completion.  I'm not a fan of doing "just enough", I don't see the point.  However, that's not to say there is anything wrong with someone who is able to release control or doesn't get too caught up in the details.  I imagine that to be such a relaxing way to live.

So when God takes the 32,000 down to a mere 300....I am in complete AWE!!!  This fight will be on God's terms and there will be no mistake of who is in CONTROL!!!  It is easy to say, "This is what I want in my life!"  But when God asks me to trim back my "troops" the reality of actually doing it becomes difficult.  I start to question if it is necessary, and my controlling nature rears its ugly head and wants a role in the plan.  Because 32,000 down to 300 is a HUGE difference, it isn't just rearranging the "troops" I already have, or giving a few "troops" away and still keeping the majority of what I have...it is making a VAST CHANGE.

The great thing about Gideon's story is...GOD WINS!!!  We know the ending, and God can WIN at the end of my story too...if I trim back my troops!!!  Are you ready?

Until we meet again,

Heather

Fixed Cost VS Cost Plus

I can't believe that we will be making the decision on who will be building our house in just a week or less!  I am completely excited and probably still a little naive as to what it ALL entails.  It seems similar to child birth...if we really knew EVERY detail we might not choose to do it.  Nonetheless, we have been doing as much up front work as we possibly can so that we have some anticipation as to what various items cost and can make a more informed decision when the "real" time comes.

A key difference in the two builders we have narrowed it down to is their pricing.  Builder #1 uses a "cost plus" formula.  The basic explanation, as far as I understand it, is he will give us estimates as to what various materials/labor will cost.  Then when the actual building process begins Builder #1 makes the purchase of the materials (and installs it) then sends us the bill for it.  We can do a comparison at that time to see if the final/actual price was right on target with his estimate, under, or over it.  Whatever the case may be we are responsible for the final price...if it's equal then no harm no foul, if it's under then it is in our favor, and over we must pay the difference in price.  Therefore, you never really know what the final price will be until the bills start rolling in, and you have to trust in your builder that his estimates are fairly accurate or you could end up spending way over your budget.  Obviously, Builder #1 has a great reputation and has been in the business for 20+ years so trust isn't a concern for us.  However, we are concerned, that the price can fluctuate by a significant amount, and we have to decide if we are okay with that.  The positive side of "cost plus" is we have a direct say in some materials so if the budget is going over we can scale back where we want on cabinets, countertops, flooring, etc.. and directly reduce our cost.

Builder #2 uses "fixed cost" pricing.  He basically sits down and reviews every detail (and more) about the house.  He then gets a cost on every material (plus labor) and comes back with a total price for the house.  If we agree then that IS the price...it doesn't fluctuate when the actual buying of materials begins, and you can plan your budget according to it.  In this scenario, the only way the price changes is if we choose a different material than we originally planned or at excavation time if the land we have purchased has "issues" regarding laying foundation.  The positive of this builder is we know up front what we are getting and there aren't any surprises with price, but the down side is the price is a little more because you are paying the builder a higher percentage for doing all this work up front.  Of course, it is important to have a "fixed cost" builder who has a positive reputation and isn't gouging you from the beginning to make sure all prices cover his costs.  We aren't concerned in our situation because Builder #2 has been doing this for 20+ years and doesn't have one complaint filed against him from the BBB, and you can contact absolutely anyone he has ever built a house for and get their honest opinion of him.

There are definitely pros and cons with each scenario, we leave heavily towards one over the other, but I won't comment on which one until we have a signed contract with our builder.

I went shopping with Scheaffer

Thursday night my best friend, Tiffany, came for a visit!  We shopped, ate, stayed up late, and shopped just a little bit more over the course of 4 days.  I had told her about the blog Pinterest Told Me To and let's just say that after this weekend I've made her a believer.  It was like having Scheaffer with us everywhere we went, and I can honestly say that girl knows what she is doing.  

I'm not going to waste any more time, because if a picture is worth a thousand words I've got a lot to say.  

(#1 Outfit: Mint jeans/Gray top)

(My Version)

So, I should point out the obvious now....I have NO IDEA how to take a picture of myself.  Sheaffer makes it seem like it's no big deal....well, it is harder than it looks!  Any pointers...I need help!

I also need to point out that my next two outfits were totally "Sheaffer Insprired".  I had never seen them on Pinterest, because I wasn't looking!  But I'm so glad Pinterest Told Me To!!

(#2 Outfit: Black Leggins/Denim Shirt)

(My Version)

(Outfit #3:  Oatmeal Blazer/White Pants/White Shirt)

(My Version)

So glad my wardrobe is being changed up a bit.  These three looks are completely new for me and nothing I would have been bold enough to put together myself.  What's great is I pulled up Sheaffer's blog at least 10 times while at the mall shopping...it's a great guide...and stylish!!!

In a Funk

I don't even know how to begin except to repeat the title and that pretty much sums up where I am..."in a funk".  At least that is my self diagnosis, maybe the Lord would call it something else, maybe it's a dry spell, or a "growing phase", maybe even a consequence to my disobedience.  None the less, I want to get out of this funk (why does that seem like a verse from an 80's song and then so wrong when describing my relationship with Jesus?).

Part of my problem is I went on my first mission trip to Haiti in October.  I need to detail that trip on another post, but for the sake of my funk I'll cut to the chase.  After returning from Haiti I had all this "stuff" I had to process, and I feel like my conclusion was...I HAD to change the way I was living to HELP others live a better life, all in the name of JESUS.  "All in the name of Jesus" being the most important part, because it isn't so much about trying to get a Target in Haiti, that's implying my life with Target is so much better than a life without it...and here is a shocker, that isn't the case!  Instead it is about serving HIM so that I may help others.  So from October until just a few months ago I felt "in the moment".  God would show me ways to serve and help and I felt the closeness to HIM that I long for and that makes EVERYTHING better.

Slowly, in these past few months, I have drifted from the closeness I once felt and my serving HIM to help others has been sparse.  Of course, I could ramble on a million excuses and justify why this has happened, but the bottom line is that I am in a funk.  I know what I need to do, could do and should be doing, but for whatever reason I'm holding back.  I'm letting "life" roll on day after day into the sameness it was the day before.

So, I'm praying and I'm hopeful that my summer Bible study of Gideon is exactly what I need.  I love my summer Bible study time, because it is when two of my high school friends choose a study to complete and then weekly have a conference call to discuss it.  Really, how cool is that!??!  After 20 years of changing, growing, and maturing we now get to study the Bible together...God is pretty amazing!  One of my favorite lines from Priscilla Shirer is this..."The bottom line is that empowerment by God's Spirit is a necessity for success."

Until we meet again,


Heather

First Builder Meeting

I wanted to document our first builder meeting because it makes building this house seem very real!!!  It took about three and half hours to discuss our house plans, house style, and new ideas that the builder had for us to think about.  Drew and I felt very good about the meeting and believe this builder is a real contender for doing the job.  The positives is he is very detailed oriented, thorough, texts, emails, and answers his phone when it rings, and is a good listener.  We have already seen several of his homes and like the look of what he constructs.  We still need to talk to some of his clients to see how smooth the building process went, and how he is on following up if/when problems arise.

Right now we live in a home that was a spec house that had set on the market for about 2 years during the down housing market.  This builder has been TERRIBLE with following up with fixing things, blaming anyone but himself for issues, and it has left us fearful of getting into that situation again.  We have now learned over the past (almost) 4 years that this builder really doesn't care to have a relationship with his home buyers...something I totally don't understand when your business revolves around PEOPLE!

Builder 1 (we'll call him) is completely different than that and understands that having good communication, follow-up, and listening is not only good for his clients, but it is good for his business.  He has been building for about 20 years, and so far we haven't found any complaints against him with the BBB or other people in the community when we tell them our three choices of builders.

It is exciting to see what his bid will be on our house and then compare that with the other two.  We have two more meetings this coming week, and then we wait for numbers.  Our final decision won't be on numbers alone, obviously that has to play into the decision somewhat, but there are other factors to consider.  I have to get along and be able to communicate with the builder, he has to be organized and timely, I have to have faith in him that he does what he says he'll do.  Builder 1 has passed the test on all those factors so he is definitely in the running as being "The Builder".

Planning Stage

I would say we are at the point that most discussions between my husband and I revolve around house building.  We could be discussing the best consequence for our son's misbehavior, and then follow it up with..."Well, in the new house he will be sent to timeout on the back porch!"  HA!  Slightly kidding, but it does consume a lot of our thoughts, conversations, and time... and this is just the planning stage!

Houzz is my best source so far.  I've tried gathering magazines, looking at other websites, but nothing pinpoints my vision for our house as much as Houzz.  Now my BIG problem is...do all these singular pictures of doors, windows, bathrooms, kitchen layout, kitchen cabinets, flooring...etc ALL mesh together to make our home!?!?!?  I just don't know, by themselves they look awesome, together it may just look like one big hodge-podge of confusion.  I have to admit that is one of my biggest fears, that when the house is complete I will look around and it won't feel connected.

So here are a few of my random pictures from Houzz and I hope if something completely stands out as not fitting together you will leave a comment.


                                   1) Kitchen...love the window, the ceiling and island color

                                       2)  Master Bath...love the barrel ceiling, flooring, lighting

                                            3)  Bath Tub area in Master Bath....love it all!

                                             
                                         4)  Laundry room...same layout but my window is smaller

                                              5)  Variation of this for Olivia's Bedroom

Father's Day Anniversary

It will be another 6 years until Father's Day falls on our wedding anniversary.  One year after getting married it fell on Father's Day, but we didn't have any children and so the craziness of mixing the two celebrations didn't matter to us.  This year is a little different!

We had Drew's Dad over after church for lunch, and I attempted my first homemade coconut cream pie. (Not too shabby!)  Then my father-in-law left, and we contemplated going to the pool.  Exactly ten minutes after deciding it looked pretty dark outside it began to pour down rain.  So it left us indoors with nothing to do.  We had already given Drew his Father's Day gifts (biking jerseys) so that anticipation was over.  We played Legos, watched "Wild Kratz", and Drew got in a Sunday afternoon nap.

Early evening we took the kids over to Papa's house (Drew's Dad) so that Drew and I could go out and celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary.  Jack wanted to know, "Why do you always go out to eat when you take us to Papa's?"  Oh someday I hope he will completely understand why we do!!!  Needless to say we weren't extremely hungry,  and we had a few house planning things to do...still gathering ideas about flooring, bathroom tile, and appliances (I'll update about this later this week).  So we finished our errands and Drew asked what type of food I was in the mood for...and really a burger sounded great.  Plus our kids aren't fans of burgers so it was a win/win to go out to "Five Guys" and grab burgers without kids and to celebrate 12 wonderful years!!!  Not perfect years, not always good times, but 12 years I couldn't imagine spending with anyone but Drew!!!    He's a wonderful husband and an amazing father...so Happy Father' Day Anniversary to him!!!

My Best Friend

So Kelly over at Kelly's Korner is once again hosting "Show Us Your Singles".  I think this is a great idea and she has already helped matched 8 couples who met and got married from meeting through this event.

It is my pleasure to showcase a single girl I've known for 20 years.  We've been best friends since high school, so to say that I know her is an understatement.

Tiffany is 38 years old and lives in central Illinois.  She is a school psychologist who has a passion for serving the Lord and helping children.  She loves baseball (especially the St. Louis Cardinals), playing golf, and of course hanging out and shopping with her BFF (that's me)!

What I think makes Tiffany a great woman is that she is independent, caring, and has a great sense of humor!  She doesn't take herself too seriously...and that isn't very common for us women!!

(Above) This is a picture of Tiffany with my son, Jack...aren't they adorable!!!  Of course, I love the fact that Tiffany loves my children and is the fun Aunt that buys them presents, plays with them, and even babysits (overnight).  She doesn't just do it because we are friends, you can tell she really enjoys children.  She is amused by their antics and has fun playing at their level.

So, if Tiffany seems like someone your cousin, son, co-worker or brother would be interested in, please leave me a comment.  I love how Kelly makes it very clear that God's Plan is what matters most here, and I know Tiffany couldn't agree more.  Yes, she has prayed for God to bring that "special man" into her life, but she has in no way stopped living life thinking that is the only way one can live!  That is just one of the reasons she is my best friend!!!

Summer Time

This is the best time of the whole year!  Neither kiddo is in school, we keep activities to a minimum and I get to plan the day around fun activities...usually involving a pool!!!  This is also the time I feel really guilty being a stay-at-home Mom.  My husband works very hard, he enjoys his job (which I'm very thankful for), but if given a choice I'm pretty sure "pool time" would win out over job....EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!

I also am not as motivated to clean the house, cook dinner, or dust during the summer either.  I think that is where most of the guilt comes from.  Drew comes home from a long day at work and everything looks exactly like it did when he left.  He proceeds to ask us about our day and I rattle off all the things we have done....go to the gym, library, grocery store, hit the pool, played outside with the neighbor kids, and rode bikes.  Whew!  I'm tired...not a good thing to say to a man that has been up since 6 am!  Honestly, Drew has never said or implied that he thinks what I'm doing is wrong, but I know that the sole reason I'm able to live like I do is because he works so hard.  I also know he is thankful that I do stay home with the kids, that I'm teaching them even during the summer about manners, serving others, science, math, how to brush your teeth properly and the list goes on and on!!

So my goal for the remainder of the summer is to enjoy this time with the kids, because I know it is fleeting, and to show my husband a little more often how much I appreciate what he does for me and the kids.  How do you handle the guilt of being a parent?

                                                                (I love my two guys!)

The Best in Best Buy

A week back I posted about my terrible experience with Best Buy...you can read the details here.  Well, it was no surprise when Best Buy called me a few days ago to say my 2nd camera is now being "junked" and I need to come to the store and get a new replacement!  Many people read that and think, "Well that is just awesome, she's getting a brand new camera!"  or "She should be happy with this type of service, she is getting a brand new camera out of it!"  What you NEED to know is that a) I've been down this road before, see this will be the THIRD new camera from Best Buy!  b) It is not so easy as get in the van, drive to Best Buy, get new camera and leave!  c)  There is ALWAYS the explaining phase and I am tired of hearing myself talk about what is wrong with all of these cameras...NO PICTURES...does that sum it up!

So I leave the hubby at home with the kids and even kiss them goodnight, because I just don't know when or if I'll be back!  The short version of this very long drawn out saga is that there is no replacement camera in the store.  But...wait for it...then Marty the Manager comes on the scene.  Finally, I get a hint of what is meant by Best in "Best Buy".  I know by now that Best has not referred to their products, their prices, or even their customer service.  Which pretty much leaves me wondering how they ever came up with the name, but then I met Marty.  He is all things one wants when you are at the brink of dealing with this ongoing problem.  

My favorite things about Marty:

                  1)  He listened to what I was saying and let me finish my thoughts.

                  2)  He apologized for what I had previously encountered.

                  3)  He told me he would personally make it right for me.

                  4)  He gave me his contact info and took mine.

                  5)  He said he would call me when he found a solution...and HE DID!!!!

I would like to say that everything is peachy now, but I can't because Marty doesn't live at Best Buy and he has a life that he leads outside the store.  Therefore, everything can't go smoothly because I happen to choose the one day Marty has off to go and pick up my camera.  OH MY WORD!!!  Painful is a bit dramatic, I get that, there are way worse things going on then little ol' me having to deal with this camera for 13 months, but it was ridiculous!  I was shuffled from customer service to GEEK Squad agent, back to customer service, and by the time I had been in the store for 40 minutes I finally spoke to a new manager.  Well Mr. "Not Marty" the Manager told me since I didn't have an appointment I would have to wait.  Really, well what is the 40 minutes I've already been sitting here called, and that isn't what Marty told me.  Then, Mr. "Not Marty" says, "Well, Marty misinformed you and he should have told you that you needed an appointment!"  At this point, I go all, "Nobody puts Marty in a corner!" Swayze Crazy and inform him that "Marty is the ONLY one who has handled this situation appropriately!"  Mr. "Not Marty" knows he has crossed a line and ushers me to the computer area where I am promptly taken care of as quickly as their Geek Squad fingers can type, and sent on my way with #3 "Best Buy" camera.

Now this is where most people are just relieved this whole debacle is over...or at least until #3 breaks down on me which is very likely given the track record Best Buy already holds.  But I am not normal, and I decide to give Marty a call (refer to #4 above on my favorite list about Marty).  I, of course, apologize for calling him on his day off, but I just had to tell him about this fiasco.  Once again, the ONLY part of "BEST Buy" that is the BEST is dear MARTY!!!  He apologized again, and was disappointed at what had occurred at the store.  He told me he had only been over this particular store for 3 weeks so it will take some time getting people better trained. I appreciated his concern, and believe that he will truly try to make the customer service better.  In my book, Marty is the BEST!!!

Freedom Part II

I think it is very appropriate that on this past Memorial Day Weekend, Olivia decided she was ready to get rid of her training wheels.  It was Sunday night, we had been to my parents' in Illinois for the weekend and driven 4 1/2 hours home.  We had unpacked the van, gotten something to eat, and decided it was a nice night to go outside.  We weren't planning on being out long because it was already 7:30pm and it was starting to get dark.  The kids asked to ride their bikes and somehow this crazy idea struck me to say, "O, you want to take off your training wheels?"  She literally jumped up and down saying, "Yes, take them off, take them off!"  So that is what her Daddy did.

Normally, I would not want to be the one watching my child learn such a daring stunt.  I'm a nervous parent when it comes to all things "accident related", and let's face it...EVERYTHING regarding a child can easily turn into an accident.  Thankfully, (which is strange to say when I'm going to describe the occasions my children got hurt and I was not present) when Jack fell at the playground and needed 7 stitches I was not there, nor was I there when Olivia sliced open 3 of her fingers playing over at the neighbors.  I just don't do well with being the eyewitness to an accident.  I'm pretty good handling recovery though.  Soothing, nurturing, bringing them anything they need to feel better I've got it covered.  I just can't react appropriately when my child is hurting, and especially when blood is involved!

So, it was not my plan to "teach" Olivia how to ride her bike sans training wheels, but that's just how it happened.  Drew was helping Jack get on his helmet and I was helping Olivia cross the street.  After we crossed I explained to her that I would hold on to her seat, and let go and then she just needed to keep pedaling.  Imagine my surprise when after holding on for less than a minute I let go and she just kept going...and going...and going!!!!  That was it!!!  No crashes, no injuries, no nothing!  Just plain and easy riding down the neighborhood street.  I ran beside her the entire way, when she stopped, I exclaimed, "You did it girl!!!"  She looked at me like I had lost my mind.  I told her again that she was riding her bike WITHOUT training wheels.  She didn't think it was true, she must have thought it would require at least one fall, but it didn't!  By this time Drew and Jack had made it down the street too!  Drew congratulated her on a job well done.

Then he took over supervising her ride and it wasn't too long that he wasn't running beside her anymore, but instead watching her ride down the street completely by herself.  That's when it hit me!  She has just encountered her first taste of freedom!  This is the first step to no longer needing us for every little thing, but the moment where we have to start allowing her to do things for herself.  Even things that might cause her to get hurt.  It's a pivotal place where my faith in God grows deeper, because as much as I thought I was in control up to this point, the reality strikes me hard that I never really was.  

Freedom

On this Memorial Day I am thankful for the many men and women who served our country so bravely so that I can have the freedom that I do!   It is something that I take for granted every. single. day. and I'm ashamed it doesn't cross my mind more frequently.  I love how my five year old loves anyone dressed in a military uniform.  He's been known to even be impressed with a few men that I'm not quite sure they served in the armed forces, but maybe were just really into hunting.  That's okay though.  I would much rather him make a few mistakes of making some "normal" guys into heroes, instead of being unaffected by anyone walking around in camouflage..  I love how Jack will say in his not so quiet voice, "Mom, there's an Army guy, a real one!"  I love how he won't take his eyes off of said "Army guy" the entire time we are standing in line at Panera or at Target or wherever we happen to be.  He is truly impressed, and I'm glad that for once he stops talking about Star Wars or Legos, and can be enamored by a real life hero that has given so much!

House Plans

 As I stated in a previous post, my husband and I have been drawing up house plans for as long as we've been together.  That's over 20 years now!!!  So when it got time to hire an architect to take our vision and put it into real blueprints I wasn't sure what was going to happen.

This was our process:

    -- measured every room in our current home
    -- increased/decreased or kept the above measurements to determine room size on new house
    -- gave the architect every measurement we had taken to explain our thought process
    --  hand sketched the layout/flow of all of the rooms

Met with the architect:
 
   -- he asked us a few questions but mostly we discussed what we were looking for
   -- reviewed our sketch and made notes about ceiling height, windows, etc.

Then we waited for his first finished drawings:

We were super excited it looked like a real house that was functional!  Because let's face it, whenever you are sketching house plans by hand you have no idea what it really will look like to a trained professional.  Above is the first sketch we received, we have now made so many modifications I look back to some of the first sketches and think we have now come full circle back to what our architect originally drew.

My husband and I have loved every minute of this design aspect, the thrill of placing every door and window has been so much fun.  One thing we have done over and over and over again, and I don't know that we know how to stop is....MEASURE and then MEASURE again and again.  We just don't want any surprises when it comes to the actual build.  I am very visual and need to see for myself how the space will be used.  I'm thankful that my husband and I have been on the same page about our floor plan, and we want the same things.  Obviously, we will run into areas along the way that we will have to compromise on, but I'm so glad to start this process out on the right foot!!

Confidence in Motherhood

Okay, does that title totally seem like an oxymoron?  Kelly talked about the feelings, questions, and concerns that rise up from motherhood which might shake our confidence a bit.  A somewhat foreign feeling in my BB era (before baby).  I NEVER imagined the amount of stress, guilt, and uncertainty I would feel as a mother.

Seriously, look at that precious face... who would ever imagine that tiny heap of cuteness could make me question everything I thought I so firmly stood for and against!  From nursing, to sleep patterns, to when should I call the pediatrician, I was a ball of mixed emotions I didn't even realize you could experience all at the same time.  

My first experience of losing all confidence and then surprisingly gaining a lot of it back happened almost immediately after my first child was born.  Olivia was born 3 weeks early, but all signs pointed to a healthy, not necessarily happy, but "normal" baby girl.   When we brought her home from the hospital she would scream and scream for hours on end.  Of course, I was given "advice" from everyone I knew, and some people I didn't.  I was afraid to venture out of the house, because I just wasn't sure when the screaming would start and worse when/if it would end.  I was taking her to the pediatrician on her regular follow up appointments, and would ask about the screaming, but the doctor told me it was normal.  We had some breastfeeding issues during this time, and sought help with a lactation consultant and I really thought the screaming would stop.  It...DID....NOT!!!  I felt like the WORST Mommy ever, why is my baby so unhappy ALL of the time?!?!   I finally started looking on the internet and came across "silent acid reflux" and thought this is what is going on with my poor, screaming baby!  My pediatrician however would not entertain the idea and sent me on my way.  Anyone who has been around a screaming baby knows the feeling of being at your wit's end, and that is exactly where I was headed!  So, I found another pediatrician in town, a very highly recommended one, but the kicker was she was very popular and she didn't readily accept new patients.  I'll never forget the day I called her office and she wanted to talk to me about what was going on.   I explained some of the issues Olivia was exhibiting and the entire time I'm talking O is screaming from her room.   I told her that I had taken her to another pediatrician but that doctor thought everything was typical for a newborn.  I began to cry as she told me that she would see Olivia the next morning.  At her office the next day, this angel doctor began to ask me question after question after question all the while observing Olivia, talking sweetly to her, holding her, watching me feed her, etc... 

Then the doctor asked me a pivotal question, "Do YOU know what is wrong with her?" 

 I replied in a quiet, timid voice,  "I think she has silent acid reflux."

Doctor:  "I think you are absolutely right!"

Me:  "Really?  That's what it is?"

Doctor: "Yes, her symptoms are pretty classic."

Then she said the most profound thing, and something I have relied on for these last (almost) 7 years of motherhood:  "You know your baby better than anyone else.  You have to trust your "mommy instinct" and not let anyone talk you out of what you believe is going on with your child.  No doctor, your own mother, not even your husband will experience the intuition you will experience regarding your baby.  You brought her here today because you KNEW something was not "normal", you did the right thing."

After leaving her office (with a prescription for medicine for baby O) I cried and cried in the car.  Sad that Olivia had been suffering all that time, mad because the first doctor wouldn't listen to me, but most importantly relieved that I had finally found some answers.  

(There is my sweet, happy baby Olivia!)

My confidence as a mom continues to be tested, but when I remember that I know my children the best and I need to do what is best for them, and nobody else, I can feel peace with my decisions.  Of course, saying a lot of prayers is helpful too!!

"Best" is a Relative Term

Last April my husband and I took the plunge and bought a Canon Rebel 2Ti.  We shopped around a bit and then landed at "Best" Buy.  The employee in their camera department seemed to know all there was to know about cameras and assured us we were getting a good product with a Canon.  So a mere $649 later, plus the always debatable, protection plan we left feeling like our pictures were going to a whole new level.

At the beginning, our "Best" Buy purchase did exactly what we wanted it to do....take pictures!!! Yeah, we are simple like that, just want the product to do exactly what it was made to do.  Well, imagine our disappointment when only a few months later the camera started acting up.  The top half of the pictures were dark and unrecognizable.  So, began our first trip to use that debatable protection plan and the camera was sent off for repair.  About 10 days later we get the camera back and guess what....camera STILL doesn't take pictures.  Now it definitely is heavy enough to be a paperweight, or even a cute side table accessory, but that isn't what we shelled out $649 for, we wanted it to take pictures.

Now we are on our second trip to use that debatable protection plan, "Best" Buy takes the camera to send to GeekSquad again.  My husband and I are getting smarter now, and by the time they call us to retrieve the camera this time we don't leave the store until we try it out.  Sing Praises!!!  The camera works and we are on our merry way.  Now by this time, "Best" Buy isn't terrible at customer service, but they aren't great either.  They are similar to robots, whatever their store computer tells them to do, they are going to stick to that and not deviate one little bit.  Even if common sense and logic says-- it looks like this camera is defective...i.e. not even 6 months old --2 repairs already...hmmm!

Picture this (pun intended):  Christmas time with the kiddos, my husband and his side of the family.  We travel to Nashville to stay at the Gaylord Opryland, the hotel is beautifully decorated, the kids are having a ball,  and our room looks out into the Delta atrium.  Of course, I am snapping pictures left and right, because I am a Shutterfly obsessed Mom, and I love documenting all of our families monumental events (which everything is monumental with kiddos!).  I think you know where this is going and it is not down memory lane while looking at our precious photos taken with our "Best" Buy Canon Rebel!!!  We get home, plug in the camera to my computer and EVERY, SINGLE picture is blurry.  Well, let me clarify that, my kids are blurry but the backgrounds are just as pristine as can be!! (Not sure how well it can be seen here, but trust me, full blown pic looks terrible.)

Third time back to "Best" Buy and they finally declare the camera a "lemon" and I am actually given an upgrade..Canon Rebel T3i.  I'm pretty pumped honestly, I think all my camera problems are behind me.  I mean really what are the odds that I would be given two "faulty" cameras?!?  Seriously, could that even happen?

Well, of course, I'm here to tell you it CAN and it DID!!!  In a span of 13 months I've had 2 repairs, 1 new camera and another problem with said "new" camera.  This time, no pictures!  It won't even tease me with half a picture, guess I shouldn't have been so picky before.  Off to "Best" Buy again to use that good ol reliable debatable protection plan, but this is where my frustration has hit an all time high!  Because, see that adorable blurry girl up there in that picture, well she is about to have Kindergarten Celebration on Sunday, and then the next week is my 20th high school reunion, and one week after that we head to Florida for a relaxing beach vacation.  But I won't have one picture to capture these moments because my camera doesn't take pictures.  I explained my entire situation to one of the employees, she was very sweet and sympathetic, but remember what I said about those robots--"We must follow what computer says we aren't programmed with common sense."  So Mr. Manager enters the scene, he actually handled the situation worse than the employee, and at one point told me I should be happy this camera worked for the 5 months that it has.  Wow!!  Does that point out the obvious-- that he is very used to "Best" Buy having faulty products or what!?!?!?

So here I am--camera shipped off again to GeekSquad for repair, waiting for it's return with absolutely no expectation that the camera will ever really work again.  My upcoming events will be captured with my "point and shoot" and I'll have the "best" pictures ever!!  Like I said, best is a relative term!!!!

Blog...What's that?

I have been reading blogs for years.  It all began when I struggled with fertility issues (circa 2003) and I didn't know anybody else personally that had gone down the same road I was dragging my feet against going down.  Then my eyes were opened to an entire world of women who typed out their frustrations, emotions, highs and lows regarding all things "baby making" -- for lack of a better term!  It gave me a place to retreat and feel my own emotions as my husband and I struggled with why it was so difficult to get pregnant.  I then began talking about the blogs like I knew these women personally, because let's face it when you are sharing all things related to fertility it gets personal fast.  My husband would say things like, "Have I met this person?" or "Now how do you know her?" and finally, "Is this from one of those... blogs?"  It didn't bother me that he didn't understand the joy I found in them, because if it made me feel less alone, less stressed out, and more optimistic about our future family then that's all that mattered.

What I didn't expect to happen is to read about a women who sought IVF treatments in St. Louis, MO which was only 2 hours away from where we were living at the time.  She became pregnant and I thought this was a possibility for my husband and me.  Funny enough, she ended up living in the SAME town we were living (Columbia, MO) and I started emailing her.  At this point, my husband and I had tried conceiving for over a year and a half.  I had a hysterosalpingogram (HSG), laparoscopy to treat endometriosis, several failed artificial insemination, and thought IVF was my last hope.  Based on the blog about St. Louis I scheduled an appointment around the first part of November (2003) and met with Dr. Silber.  He was a very kind man and said our fertility issues were "unexplained", but that we were good candidates for IVF.  At the time, I taught high school and he recommended we wait for the summer when life would be a little less stressful.  At that November appointment we needed to give a down payment to secure our spot that summer.  I was more than ready to write the check when Drew put the brakes on letting loose with any money.  I remember vividly him saying, "Heather, let's just pray about it one more month, then if you aren't pregnant we can mail in the check."  My response, "Drew, it has been 1 year and 11 months, you really think we are going to have a different result than what we've had for almost 2 years!"  You can imagine my tone...hormonal, stress induced, wife that didn't want to hear "wait one more month".

I took my husband's advice, knowing I would have the chance to gloat when I was writing the check out in December to hold our spot to begin IVF that summer.  BUT, my gloating never took place!  On November 28, 2005 I took a pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE!!!  I continued to stay in touch with the blog world, but found that my interests took over which blogs I would frequent more.  When I suffered through hyperemesis with my first pregnancy I related to women who had suffered the same, after having my first baby I connected with blogs that talked about sleep training, nursing, and "blow outs"!

Now I find that my list of blogs I frequent revolve around mostly Christian women who are trying to do the best they can raising their children, loving their husbands, and keeping their own identity.  My husband couldn't believe it when I told him I started my own blog, I'm not sure what he really thinks a blog is, but for me it's a connection that I can't imagine not having on a daily basis.

The Land

Since, I'm just starting this blog I need to recap what steps we have taken to come to the conclusion we are going to build our dream home.  I can honestly say it started back in the mid 1990s when Drew and I first started dating.  We liked to sketch house plans for our future homes, yes ironically we didn't plan that "the dream house" would necessarily involve the other.  We were still in high school at the time and although we are both planners, we weren't so naive to believe that we would stay together through the rest of high school, college, graduate school, AND our first careers!  Geesh!!  What are the odds?!?!  Well, needless to say that is exactly what we did, and our dreams of building a house began to focus on what "we" liked and didn't like.  Of course, life has a way of putting dreams to the back burner and many years of school, moves, children, and careers have finally put us back on the path of designing "our home".
Our first obstacle was finding the land to build our home on.  We both grew up having a basement, like a true underground living space where we could retreat during storms.  For some reason, these aren't as common in southern Indiana like in central Illinois, but that is what we "dreamed" of having so we needed land that could support it.  Next, we had to decide if a neighborhood was what we desired or land by itself.  There were pros and cons to each of them, but our final decision was to go with a neighborhood.  We enjoy visiting with our neighbors now, the kids running around with the other kids in the area, and the sense of a community that I could easily borrow a cup of sugar from my neighbor if I needed one.  We also wanted a significant amount of land, 2 to 5 acres seemed reasonable.  We didn't want to feel like we were living on top of our neighbors, we would like to have a pool, and yet we didn't want the pool to take up the entire yard either.  This left very few lots available for us to choose from, and we didn't take the decision lightly.  On our own we had driven by subdivisions/lots many times playing the "Is this the right place to build?" game.  Then in October 2012, I met with a realtor who could walk me around various pieces of land we had narrowed our search down to and get a feeling of how big 2 acres really is!  At this same time, Drew and I decided to go ahead and sketch out a house plan that met our criteria (more on this another day) and sat down with an architect.  Nothing like having an architect design a house for a lot you haven't even purchased aren't sure you are going to, but we went with it anyway.  In the meantime, we prayed about one lot in particular we had decided would meet our needs.  We felt that our best move was to wait through the winter, if the lot sold during this time then it wasn't the lot for us, and if it was still available in the early spring we would talk price.
I must admit I had a few weak moments when I worried the lot was going to sell, but Drew always stuck to our game plan that spring would be here soon enough.  So we waited and continued to pray that if this was the place for us then the price would be right and at the right time.

On April 25, 2013 we closed on our land!  It is a little over 4 acres in a quiet subdivision that is still being developed.  We love coming out here and letting the kids explore, they feel like they are being set free to roam.  We look forward to what the upcoming year has in store.  It is our family's goal to make this a fun and exciting experience, not one we barely make it through, our continued prayer is that we follow God's lead.

Being BOLD

I thought I would jump right in and tell a little bit about myself...I'm BOLD!  Like the doctor's office makes you wait 40 minutes with an antsy 3 year old ( and not 1 germ-filled toy in the waiting room) I have to voice my frustration.  Or when I recently mailed a check to one of my friends and when she received it the envelope had been shredded and the check couldn't being cashed.  So this BOLD Mom goes to the post office (I know you see where this is going already!) and shows the mail woman the photo my friend texted me with the shredded envelope.  She proceeds to tell me that I'll have to pay the new postage to resend it.  Really?!?!  Please, explain how that makes sense.  The funniest thing is even when she tries to mumble out why--she is hearing her sorry explanation and knows it doesn't make a bit of sense. She finally says she'll add the postage.  Some might think was it really worth the effort when I could have added my 46 cent stamp and been on my way...for me it is, when you are BOLD it is hard to just let things go.

It's like having curly hair and wanting it straight, and straight hair girls would love to have curly!

Tall girls wanting to be shorter and shorter girls wishing they were just a tad taller!

Timid girls wish they were more vocal while us more vocal girls wish we could be a little more timid!

My friends who are more reserved applaud my boldness and express interest in being more bold themselves. I look at their constraint and wish I could have that laid back personality.   But then I'm reminded of the times when my boldness was used to help others....when a homeless family was outside of Target and I stopped to give them food and money, when 2 teenage boys were pulling a third kid on his skateboard behind their car and I stopped to tell them that  in a blink of an eye this fun could turn to tragedy (and the driver said, thank you ma'am), or when I left my family for a week and went and served the people in Haiti!  That's when I realize my boldness can be used for good, and it's up to me to choose to use it in that way.

It's definitely a work in progress and I've had my not so finer moments when my BOLD attitude has not been used in a good way. Manners are still important even with a bold attitude!  My husband and I are planning to build a house soon.  We've already discussed that my BOLDNESS needs to be kept in check. That is one of my prayers -- that the very personality that God has blessed me to have will be used to glorify HIM!

My First Blog Post

I don't know if I'm ready to call myself a blogger, but I am definitely ready to have an organized system where I get to write down funny sayings from my children, document our upcoming house building experience, and share the ups and downs of life.  I like writing down memories and reflecting back on them years later, I've done it since the 2nd grade.  My first diary was a red, leather bound book with lock and key and about 3X5.  The smallness of it I don't quite understand since I still remember how difficult it was for me to fit my pencil and hand on the small pages to jot down my day's adventures.  But I loved that diary, and all that my 2nd grade self thought was so important at the time.  I've continued to write life's events down, but in the craziness it sometimes is on a napkin that was left over from dinner, or a notecard I found wedged between the van seats, and not too surprisingly some of those "documented" events have never made it to an organized folder for me to reflect upon.  Part of my inspiration in now trying to blog was the passing of my mother-in-law two and half years ago.  It was amazing to me as we sorted thru her belongings that what mattered the most to me and my husband were her thoughts.  Old Christmas letters we had forgotten about, journaling the terrible twos of my husband, the notes in the margins of her Bible these are the treasures we took with us and find comfort in.  I hear her voice again when I reread her writings, I feel close to her again when I get to imagine what she was thinking when she wrote down her thoughts.  I hope that by writing my thoughts and funny stories, and not so proud moments that one day my kids will understand more about who I was when they were little and who I have become as they have grown.  It might be a little too sentimental and wishful thinking but a Mom can dream, right?!?!
So, let the blog begin...and we will see where it goes!!!